Comments on: Energy Crisis http://kybernetikos.com/2006/09/30/energy-crisis/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 07:23:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2 by: john http://kybernetikos.com/2006/09/30/energy-crisis/#comment-32 Mon, 09 Oct 2006 12:26:41 +0000 http://kybernetikos.com/2006/09/30/energy-crisis/#comment-32 I thought it was a very entertaining read. Thanks. However, I agree that the end felt a little rushed. Also, and I'm having difficulty believing that the premise is possible. I thought it was a very entertaining read. Thanks.

However, I agree that the end felt a little rushed. Also, and I’m having difficulty believing that the premise is possible.

]]> by: kyb http://kybernetikos.com/2006/09/30/energy-crisis/#comment-12 Mon, 02 Oct 2006 14:06:54 +0000 http://kybernetikos.com/2006/09/30/energy-crisis/#comment-12 Notes: The writing needs tightening up - I just splurged it down. The riot happens too quickly. The characters are not really developed much - Tanya seems completely unnecessary. Perhaps there should be more clues that Martin is the kind of person to make that decision / that he's not telling the truth. How else would the culture be different in that kind of world? <i>How about this alternate paragraph 2</i> The carpet of the city library was dark with dust. The accumulated knowledge of thousands of years of human history stood silent and unremarked. In one isolated corner, where shelves of military history met the physics section, the wind and rain blowing through a broken window had allowed a solitary bush to break through the floor and grow. Tucked out of sight behind the bush sat a young man deep in thought, around him scattered the debris of his forays into knowledge: books and papers lying on their faces, their spines creased, notepaper with hastily scribbled sums estimating this or splitting that up into fractions. Apart from a brief visit to some buildings on the eastern side of town, Martin had sat here since the previous night, reading, thinking and calculating. Some distance away, his energy card lay on the floor, blinking it's 90,000 unit deficit to the loaded shelves. Notes: The writing needs tightening up - I just splurged it down. The riot happens too quickly. The characters are not really developed much - Tanya seems completely unnecessary. Perhaps there should be more clues that Martin is the kind of person to make that decision / that he’s not telling the truth. How else would the culture be different in that kind of world?

How about this alternate paragraph 2

The carpet of the city library was dark with dust. The accumulated knowledge of thousands of years of human history stood silent and unremarked. In one isolated corner, where shelves of military history met the physics section, the wind and rain blowing through a broken window had allowed a solitary bush to break through the floor and grow. Tucked out of sight behind the bush sat a young man deep in thought, around him scattered the debris of his forays into knowledge: books and papers lying on their faces, their spines creased, notepaper with hastily scribbled sums estimating this or splitting that up into fractions. Apart from a brief visit to some buildings on the eastern side of town, Martin had sat here since the previous night, reading, thinking and calculating. Some distance away, his energy card lay on the floor, blinking it’s 90,000 unit deficit to the loaded shelves.

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